something euclidean

Adverbs definitely go, as Fand said. I think one of the main problems with this - the description hanging and not seeming to go much of anywhere - is the ...

I agree with Col, in both respects: this is enjoyable to read and a nice change from the usual monotony of what comes out of these English assignments. And I ...

I like the sound of this and how it moves forward, but I was thrown by "learning how to hide life", because that begs elaboration. It's a strange phrase that ...

Just because its in the title doesn't mean it has to be in the poem. Also: this does a lot of telling. Even though there are scenes and things happen ...

This works as philosophy and as condensed and elevated essay, but it doesn't do much for me as poetry. I'm sorry. I know a lot of older poetry tends to ...

On the first chapter: One continuity error: he's looking at the sea, but it's smooth as glass? This I guess I could believe if he's looking at an inlet or ...

I like this a lot, and it really pulled me in; I haven't moved on to the rest of the story yet, but so far this looks like a good ...

I think you could cut down the first paragraph a tad, actually: since this is so short, everything should count. It's a bit like poetry; there's no bulk of story ...

Something can be rooted in fact but that doesn't automatically mean that it's going to translate well onto the page. Since we're not you and we're not in your life ...

I liked this and I liked the story, and I think with some cutting down this could be a very nice poem. It's not that you need to make this ...

Imagery/metaphor/figurative language are more central to making something more like poetry and less like prose with linebreaks, though if you're up to rhyme and rhythm certainly, go for it! Even ...

The writing that helps someone deal with their day to day troubles could be a good idea for a poem, but it would have to be a different take on ...

The first two lines of this promised something interesting - I liked "let your dreams caress your mind" - and then the whole poem fell into trite common statements like ...

It would help to consider the difference between journal poetry and serious poetry. This reads like journal poetry; I'm sure it's heartfelt, helped you through some rough times, and so ...

A couple of technical things to pay attention to: -- Spell out your words. Nobody is going to take a poem seriously if you have 'nite' instead of 'night'. I'm ...